when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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