I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Is it because I queefed?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
