I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
