Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
