she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fuck appropriateness.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
