really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
