I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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