Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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