i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
