Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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