I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
