She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
