the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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