I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
