You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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