I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
