Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
