Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
