I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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