You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
