i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if only i could text you this smell
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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