I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The struggles of a small town man whore
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I supernannyed him into submission
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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