apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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