So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
