it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
