No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
