Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
