Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
