So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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