remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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