Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
