So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
