How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How external is "for external use only"?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
