Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
