Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
