Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
