I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
