Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
