you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
