Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
