Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
