why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
