Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
