Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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