well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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