So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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