Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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