Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
