Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
