Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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