they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
