I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
