bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize